HappyHoHoHolidays!!!

Its appropriate I take a moment to express my sincere gratitude for the blessings I've received in 2006...

Among the reasons I am grateful:
- sobriety
- a loving and gorgeous wife and best friend
- two amazing, healthy and humorous children
- a wonderful 'community' of friends
- a fudgey but delicious family
- a cozy little home
- satisfying and stimulating work
- my health, spirituality and future

... now as an added gift to the blogsphere:

In the annual chaos of pre-holiday purging I found a notebook I had from 1995. In it I composed a poem and two letters - one to my as yet unborn child and one to my then very pregnant wife, Diana. Enjoy!

-----------------------------------------
Sat., March 11, 1995 Los Gatos, CA
-----------------------------------------

spillway rampant

corsing through the earth

its man made boundries

unable to contain its force.



mist rising

light dancing through

creating colors against the concrete grey



whitewater churning

pushing boulders like leaves

these rocks now settled

giving relief to battered trees



pounding into a subterranian chasm

defacing to the core of Mother Nature's soul

-----------------------------------------


Dear BabyJonathans - [name noted was Wesley Robert]

As your birthday approaches I reflect upon how I can create a home and family that will allow you the good fortune I have realized inmy 32 years.

To start I will forever love you... without conditions or expectations attached.

Your safety and comfort are priorities which will not be neglected. Your mother and I will be supportive of whatever endeavors you may choose. And by providing a nurturing environment we will pray you achieve all your goals.

We'll stand by you and guide you. Provide encouragement and praise. We'll console you through losses and never condemn your mistakes.

Your love and respect wil be reward for us both and the life you will lead will give us much to boast. I love you!!!

Dad


-----------------------------------------

Diana My Wife -

You are SO Amazing! To have created within you our child... I'll never understand how you felt throughout these past ten months. Yet I am proud to have some small part in the miracle soon to bless us.

Our love has flowed so easily between us... how fortunate our child will be to see it's parent so much in love!

That will never change - this child and our new family will only strengthen my adoring of you. As a mother you will fulfill your most basic need and I will be more supportive than ever before in making that role easier for you.

I will be forever grateful and respectful to you for the love, patience, joy, blessing, care, support and strength you give to this family.

You are simply the Best!!!

All My Love - Forever

/edj

ej4.0

Reboot - retool - reflect
i've fooled no one
admit my defects

Alone but not lost
Myself I must find
my families pain is the cost
I am no longer blind

The journey toward healing
is the path I now follow
forgiving my yesterdays
a trail littered with sorrow

live for today
learn a new way
committed to becoming
a spirit triumphing

Mindful of consequences
released from self doubt
deliverence through knowledge
of what I'm about

The love I deserve
and soon will reclaim
can only be realized
when I choose to abstain

Hide and Go Seek

How do children learn
where to seek and hide?
 The answer is - as parents know
 - in how WE lead our lives.

Our daily actions _not what's spoken_
as seen though youthful eyes
becomes a living breathing testament
 that guides their playful minds. 

Encouraged by a creative and a meaningful intention
to undestand the _need_  to  _hide and seek_,
instills the ability in our kids to learn to critically think.

Life Lessons taught through games at play
in backyards and on playgrounds
 are the furtile soil of young minds
  that nourish higher values.

If consideration, empathy and kindness are standards we all  honor
- respecting rules of games at play
   should come before the score. 

Winning is NOT the only thing
 - but in life we all keep score.
   Reframe the measure of success
    by recognizing the character of their soul. 

So when you play a game with kids
 hide on the ground, get dirty.
 Recognize and praise creative thinking that's way outside the box
  you'll see a child forming values that are worthy.

And while your at play
 ask her when she most feels like hiding...
 the answer may have you both soon crying. 

But its  through salty tears 
and shared pain that life lessons learned are lasting.

Best of all
 kids' never forget
 the friends who hide together,

finding answers they didn't seek but somehow NOW seem to matter.

Never Lost



Instincts geared for FIGHT or FLIGHT

'cause anger came both day and night...



By playing games and seeking adventure

I hoped the memories I would remember

and praying that eventually
your eruptions would cease -
even if temporarily...



Your gentle kindness were sometimes present
but like a currency - money fast spent...



Laughter ceases when running scared

tears flow fast while welts turn red

and despite the fear of being tossed

my childish nature was never lost...



Kids will laugh, smile and joke

even when their losing hope

'cause somehow in life we still must still cope...



The onslaught of your verbal beatings

burn a script that skips -

- just keeps repeating

reverbrating deep within my soul

so early in life it took its toll...



I'm healing now
with my wife, son and daughter
and grateful to share their laughter
My time has come
I have become

a father that...


never lost



... his will for fun!