WHY I SURF:

I need to feel alive and when I hit the 49 degree salt water of Steamer Lane, Santa Cruz, CA there is no question of that truth. From the initial, self-induced shock, immediately followed by a deep, pounding heartbeat; to the short rapid breathes and an ever widening grin with each stroke as I greet friends in the line up - each moment defines the experience.

It is also the rituals of a _dawn patrol_ session which are calming and comforting. Loading the truck, pulling on the rash guard, hauling myself over a fence that seems to get higher every time I climb it, the trek down the cliff, paddling out and carving a flowing bottom turn add a rythmn to my life that no other act can offer.

And as a husband, father, coach, dog-walker and employee and I have to slice out this time for myself or risk losing who I am. Its simple really... when I've taken care of myself I can better focus on how to serve others. Thats why my life is better when I surf.

/edj


S - serenity
U - utopia
R - return [i'm from Indo so the Pacific is my home]
F - flow

Air_Borne_Again
[slammed this one out at 30k ft. on HawaiinAirlines]


Altitude at Three Miles High
Island Bound - Bouncin a 767

Time Zones Drop Bye
Closer Now To My Heaven...


Above the Cloud Line Provides the View
That Restores my Personal Perspective
Urging on Self-Reflection
Priorities Renewed

Having Lived So Far - on this Journey - Life
Recognizing Now
The Hardest Route
Need Not be Traveled Twice

Call it my 3/quarter Life Crisis
or simply my Refrain
Condition of my System - Considerably Insane
Chemical Afflictions Scratching at my Brain

Adapting to a Learned Culture
Counting Steps that Count XII
Higher Power Provides New Meaning
And Deliverance from HELL

Damnation Through Self-Seeking
of Needs Which Can Never be met...
I Wipe Clear my Ego
with Eyes Freshly Wet

I Stand in my Path
Littered with Sorrow
And Reach Out to Embrace
... a Sober Tomorrow

Four on the Floor Now
Gentle Landing - Coming Still - End of Roll
The End of Generational Addition...
My Legacy for All

HappyHoHoHolidays!!!

Its appropriate I take a moment to express my sincere gratitude for the blessings I've received in 2006...

Among the reasons I am grateful:
- sobriety
- a loving and gorgeous wife and best friend
- two amazing, healthy and humorous children
- a wonderful 'community' of friends
- a fudgey but delicious family
- a cozy little home
- satisfying and stimulating work
- my health, spirituality and future

... now as an added gift to the blogsphere:

In the annual chaos of pre-holiday purging I found a notebook I had from 1995. In it I composed a poem and two letters - one to my as yet unborn child and one to my then very pregnant wife, Diana. Enjoy!

-----------------------------------------
Sat., March 11, 1995 Los Gatos, CA
-----------------------------------------

spillway rampant

corsing through the earth

its man made boundries

unable to contain its force.



mist rising

light dancing through

creating colors against the concrete grey



whitewater churning

pushing boulders like leaves

these rocks now settled

giving relief to battered trees



pounding into a subterranian chasm

defacing to the core of Mother Nature's soul

-----------------------------------------


Dear BabyJonathans - [name noted was Wesley Robert]

As your birthday approaches I reflect upon how I can create a home and family that will allow you the good fortune I have realized inmy 32 years.

To start I will forever love you... without conditions or expectations attached.

Your safety and comfort are priorities which will not be neglected. Your mother and I will be supportive of whatever endeavors you may choose. And by providing a nurturing environment we will pray you achieve all your goals.

We'll stand by you and guide you. Provide encouragement and praise. We'll console you through losses and never condemn your mistakes.

Your love and respect wil be reward for us both and the life you will lead will give us much to boast. I love you!!!

Dad


-----------------------------------------

Diana My Wife -

You are SO Amazing! To have created within you our child... I'll never understand how you felt throughout these past ten months. Yet I am proud to have some small part in the miracle soon to bless us.

Our love has flowed so easily between us... how fortunate our child will be to see it's parent so much in love!

That will never change - this child and our new family will only strengthen my adoring of you. As a mother you will fulfill your most basic need and I will be more supportive than ever before in making that role easier for you.

I will be forever grateful and respectful to you for the love, patience, joy, blessing, care, support and strength you give to this family.

You are simply the Best!!!

All My Love - Forever

/edj

ej4.0

Reboot - retool - reflect
i've fooled no one
admit my defects

Alone but not lost
Myself I must find
my families pain is the cost
I am no longer blind

The journey toward healing
is the path I now follow
forgiving my yesterdays
a trail littered with sorrow

live for today
learn a new way
committed to becoming
a spirit triumphing

Mindful of consequences
released from self doubt
deliverence through knowledge
of what I'm about

The love I deserve
and soon will reclaim
can only be realized
when I choose to abstain

Hide and Go Seek

How do children learn
where to seek and hide?
 The answer is - as parents know
 - in how WE lead our lives.

Our daily actions _not what's spoken_
as seen though youthful eyes
becomes a living breathing testament
 that guides their playful minds. 

Encouraged by a creative and a meaningful intention
to undestand the _need_  to  _hide and seek_,
instills the ability in our kids to learn to critically think.

Life Lessons taught through games at play
in backyards and on playgrounds
 are the furtile soil of young minds
  that nourish higher values.

If consideration, empathy and kindness are standards we all  honor
- respecting rules of games at play
   should come before the score. 

Winning is NOT the only thing
 - but in life we all keep score.
   Reframe the measure of success
    by recognizing the character of their soul. 

So when you play a game with kids
 hide on the ground, get dirty.
 Recognize and praise creative thinking that's way outside the box
  you'll see a child forming values that are worthy.

And while your at play
 ask her when she most feels like hiding...
 the answer may have you both soon crying. 

But its  through salty tears 
and shared pain that life lessons learned are lasting.

Best of all
 kids' never forget
 the friends who hide together,

finding answers they didn't seek but somehow NOW seem to matter.

Never Lost



Instincts geared for FIGHT or FLIGHT

'cause anger came both day and night...



By playing games and seeking adventure

I hoped the memories I would remember

and praying that eventually
your eruptions would cease -
even if temporarily...



Your gentle kindness were sometimes present
but like a currency - money fast spent...



Laughter ceases when running scared

tears flow fast while welts turn red

and despite the fear of being tossed

my childish nature was never lost...



Kids will laugh, smile and joke

even when their losing hope

'cause somehow in life we still must still cope...



The onslaught of your verbal beatings

burn a script that skips -

- just keeps repeating

reverbrating deep within my soul

so early in life it took its toll...



I'm healing now
with my wife, son and daughter
and grateful to share their laughter
My time has come
I have become

a father that...


never lost



... his will for fun!

DAMN... 6 months later and finally sumptin to say!

BUT PIRATES as a F/T JOB: Down around LGTown is a lil garage start-up called BayTSP. We can take any email address and tell u what kind of digital robbery you've performed. That is when the spiders are spidering and the crawlers are crawling.

Call of duty means I take the numbers and put it in .xls telling the studios where their bleeding profits due to the eDonkey riding pirates. Maybe we'll bust you next. We Are Always Watching ['cept when the shit don't work]

HOME ON THE RANGE: "Tène" is the newest addition to our home. A Border Collie / Austrailian Sheppard mix she's just too damn cute for her own good. Her name was supposed to be a play on the name - Rose - given by Sandy [her breeder]. See, we have a Tante "Rose Toes" down in Dana Point, so named because her 6' frame is grounded by feet with toes as long as most peoples' fingers ;-P
Well we couldn't keep the breeders name... and we couldn't call her Toes, so I thought we'd use the Dutch translation - Tenen. But I wanted to abbreviate it to Tene. Unfortunately the singular for toes is Teen. My bad. But in a funny - kinda - karmatic way; turns out the word Tene is used in Holland, AS THE NAME OF A LINE OF ADULT DIAPERS FOR INCONTINENT WOMEN!!! So since she still pisses all over the place... especially when overly excited, "Tène" is a perfect fit.

SUMMER MADNESS: We've hit the beach often so far. A conclave of Farnham Famlies made a trip to the group camping site at Sunset Beach. Excessive food, drink and merriment abounded. Highlighted by numerous board'g sessions including a Fri. night sunset ride and a Sun. morning Dawn Patrol outing. We just returned from a weekend beach rental stay at 25th and E. Cliff Dr. We were supposed to have only 8 guests but actually had upwards of 18. This outing was to give my cousin Sabina, her boyfriend Marcus and son Dirkie an initiation into Kalifornication... massive bonfire, a semi decent illegal fireworks display and more shore break - leading to near neck break - conditions made it a fun outing. Dirk is a Parker clone yet without the cuddliness. He did have a great time and I really hope that he fondly remembers the KaliKrew once he's back in Haarlem, NL. Props-n-shoutouts to mr. newmark as I scored DaKine abode deal off craigslist.org.

DIDDLE FOR THE MIDDLE: Road trip tomorrow for a Whine_Country weekend. Yes, we could taste fermented grapes along the Silverado Trail but we'll be taking Tene so I expect s bit-o-whining as we navigate the ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss turns that take us from Napa, through St. Helena, Callistoga and finally into Hidden Valley. We should feel right at home since I'm brining the trailer and camping out in Mamz driveway. Taking the bikez-N-boardz to hit up skate parks along the way...

HUMAN RACE: due up next, SJGrandPrickz. I'm baby sitting the Gordon Beirsch TEN, a sponsorship play i made for Ishikawa racing. Should be fun but at the sacrafice of my SoCal_Surfari. DTSJ vs. PV_RHE / DP / S'Clemente... ouch!